Every day my host sister cries at dinner. Something is always wrong. “I hate this food” “My stomach hurts” “I’m tired” “I want tea”…the complaints never end. Every night I grind my teeth and do my best to not scream out every thought that is swarming through my head. I sit through dinner so angry that this 7 year old girl is screaming and yelling about having to eat the meal prepared for her when 3 minutes down the road is the biggest slum in Africa where the food that my sister refuses to eat every night is the portion that an entire family of ten will receive for one day of eating, if they are even that lucky.
I sit there so angry, in utter disbelief that this girl, who has a roof over her head, 3 huge meals a day and a family who is healthy and living, can think of so many things to complain and cry about every single day. A week ago I started counting how many days she would go without having a nightly fit…and a week later my count hasn’t even reached one day.
I hate the feeling of anger. I hate it so much. What I hate even more though is that this feeling of anger is felt because of a seven year old girl. How can I be angry at a child?
Tonight when her daily fit began, I tried so hard not to get mad. But after she was still crying 20 minutes later, I couldn’t take it anymore. Grace looked at her and said, “You know what? There are millions of people in this city who are lucky to have one meal a day and you are screaming because you actually have food on your plate. Do you want me to take you down to Kibera so you can give this food you refuse to eat to those children? They will think you are the greatest thing ever for giving them your portion of food. They will also not understand why someone would ever give up their meal, when the next meal is never guaranteed.”
Something different also happened tonight. When Grace said that to my sister, and my sister stopped crying a bit, perhaps processing what was just said to her, I began to think about Grace’s words as well.
What makes me so much different than this little girl? Just because I live in another country, doesn’t make those people 3 minutes down the road living in extreme poverty any less real. How many times have I complained about trivial things that, in comparison to the way those in poverty live, makes me look like a complete fool. How many times have I complained about a meal I didn’t want to eat, an outfit I didn’t like or a family member or friend I was annoyed by? Why don’t I use the same judgment I’ve been so quick to pour out on this girl and apply it to my own life? How foolish and selfish am I?
How can I ever complain about the small things that don’t matter at all when I am so incredibly blessed? I have an amazing family, supportive friends, and a home to go back to. I can honestly never recall a time where I have wondered if I would go to bed hungry. I’ve been financially supported by my parents my whole life, never wondering if I would be left alone to handle things if disaster were to strike.
I realized tonight that my judgment is way out of line and what I really need is to check myself. Just because I grew up somewhere else, doesn’t make my complaining or my concern for trivial matters any less selfish, any less ridiculous.
I need to keep this in mind as I proceed on with my life, not only for the remainder of my semester here, but also for my life when I go back home. It’s easy now to recognize how uncalled for complaints and concerns may be when I’m surrounded by absolute poverty on a daily basis, but it’s going to be a lot easier to forget about the way so many people in this world live when I’m back in my comfort bubble of Chapel Hill that I love so much. I need to constantly be checking myself and not stressing over the small stuff.
Sorry that this wasn’t much of a “life update,” but I’ve found writing to be very therapeutic during rough days here and wanted to post about the lessons I’ve been learning in hopes of really making sure that I’m following my own advice as I move forward from here.
I’ll update soon about exciting things going on in my life (and there are a ton!) I miss everyone so much!
Until next time--
Megan
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